Relationship Issues
Trust, intimacy and openness are at the heart of our closest relationships. When they become strained, we can feel destabilised - particularly if we have invested years in holding things together.
For many LGBTQ+ people, and especially for older lesbians, relationship patterns were shaped in contexts where safety, secrecy, loyalty and endurance were necessary. Those adaptations can be intelligent and protective - but they can also become limiting.
Later life can bring shifts in long-term partnerships, changes in sexual connection, caring responsibilities, retirement, illness, or bereavement. For some women, it is also the time when they come out more fully, or begin relationships that feel more aligned.
Relationship therapy offers a thoughtful space to explore inherited expectations, repair past hurts, and develop ways of relating that feel more mutual, conscious and sustainable.
I have many years’ experience as a relationship therapist and previously managed Brighton & Hove Relate and its LGBT counselling service. My work is affirmative of relationship diversity, including non-monogamous and poly relationships.
Low Self-Esteem
Many LGBTQ+ people learned early that being fully visible was unsafe. Older lesbians in particular may have spent decades adapting - being capable, self-sufficient, resilient, and often the strong one. Over time, that strength can mask a quieter doubt: Am I too much? Not enough? Do I really deserve ease?
Self-esteem can also be shaken by relationship endings, redundancy, health challenges, ageing, or the cumulative effects of discrimination and self-silencing.
Therapy offers a grounded space to develop a sense of worth that is not dependent on performance or approval. You do not need to prove your legitimacy here. We can work towards a steadier, internally rooted confidence - one that allows for both strength and vulnerability.
If you would like support in strengthening your self-belief and sense of entitlement to take up space, please do get in touch.
Grief and Loss
Grief in LGBTQ+ lives can be particularly complex and multi-layered.
We may be mourning partners, friends, chosen family, parents or siblings. Older lesbians may also carry grief for what was not possible earlier in life - relationships lived quietly, years spent hiding, or parts of ourselves that felt unsafe to express.
Loss can bring shock, guilt, anger, loneliness and physical symptoms such as fatigue or insomnia. It can also feel isolating if others do not understand the context of our relationships or history.
Therapy offers a steady, compassionate place to grieve without minimising or explaining yourself. There is no need to protect me from the intensity or complexity of your feelings. I am a qualified bereavement counsellor with many years’ experience supporting people to live alongside loss in a way that feels bearable and integrated.
Healing From Abuse
Experiences of abuse can have long-lasting effects. For some LGBTQ+ people, abuse was compounded by environments where sexuality or gender identity were shamed or silenced. Older lesbians may have grown up in times when there were few words, protections or affirming spaces available.
Children and young people develop intelligent strategies to survive - dissociation, over-achievement, caretaking, invisibility. Those strategies often persist into adulthood, even when they are no longer needed. Survivors of adult domestic abuse may notice similar adaptations: hypervigilance, self-doubt, minimising harm, or feeling responsible for managing another person’s volatility.
With careful, respectful support, healing is possible. Therapy offers a space to work at a pace that feels safe, integrating painful experiences without being defined by them.
Get in Touch
If any of what you’ve read here resonates, you’re very welcome to get in touch to arrange a free 20-minute initial conversation. This gives us a chance to see whether working together feels like a good fit, with no obligation to continue.
I'd love to hear from you.
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